A Roller Coaster of Emotions

Wednesday, April 1, 2009 - Today was the best morning followed by the worst afternoon. We spent the morning with our little princess - watching her move around and open both eyes. She figured our her pacifier which Lee and I thought was the most amazing sight ever.

She came back from getting the PICC line around noon. She was sedated so Lee and I sat next to her bed and watched our little princess sleep. My parents were also with us. I can't remember all the events of the afternoon because it was the worst afternoon yet and I was in tears for a majority of it. Evidently when Elle returned from Radiology - she didn't get an x-ray to ensure that her breathing tubes were in the correct place. Her heart rate started to drop and so did her oxygen levels. I sat there in disbelief with my parents and my husband as the doctors and nurses stabilized her. They ran an x-ray and it showed that the tube had slipped down - so they decided to move it up slightly. After moving the tube, Elle was stabilized and the doctors felt confident she would be ok. A little while later, her stats started to drop again. Somewhere in all the mess, Elle's lung collapsed. The doctors ran more x-rays and it showed that the lung had collapsed so they bagged her to pump it back up. That did the trick and she was once again stabilized. The nurse went to go and suction Elle's mouth because she had a lot of spit coming out of her mouth - she suctioned little Elle and suddenly we heard a gurgling sound. I was sitting at her bedside and instantly knew something was wrong. I pushed my chair across the NICU and turned my back to my daughter's bed as a team of cardiologist, neonatologist and nurses began to work on her. I could hear the monitors going crazy - over all the noise the last thing I heard was "bag her bag her" and then my dad escorted my mom and me out of the NICU. Lee stayed behind to be with our little angel. It seemed like we were out in the waiting room for an eternity. I finally said it had been too long - something was wrong - so my dad went into the NICU to see what was going on. He came back out and said that Elle had been stabilized and was ok. The only thing I could do was praise God that my little girl was still alive. At about this time, the new Resident, Dr. Davis, came out and told me that everything was fine. She was so nice and spent so much time comforting me in the waiting room. She explained what happened and told me it was ok to go back in. I walked in to see my little one sedated on her little bed - breathing with the help of a new breathing tube. Lee had stayed with our daughter the entire time and he said it was the worst thing he has ever seen but he didn't want to leave our baby alone. Elle's levels had dropped to dangerous level as I was being escorted out of the NICU. The doctors had to remove her breathing tube and reinsert it to keep Elle breathing. After everything had calmed down and I was back in the NICU, the doctors told us that her breathing tube had caused all the problems. It was too low when she got back from radiology causing everything to be thrown off. It was an absolutely horrible afternoon and it all happened so suddenly. Our morning had been fantastic and then the doctors had to save our baby's life. The doctors had decided to sedate Elle to bring her heart rate down -so she spent the rest of the afternoon/evening sedated. She finally started to come out of the sedation around 10:00pm. She opened both eyes and I just stood over her bed, holding her little hands and talking to my little princess. Lee had to take a break from the NICU and spent a majority of the evening in the waiting room surrounded by family members. My husband is the strongest man I know. I don't know how he sat back there and watched as the doctors worked on Elle. Even Dr. Davis said she was impressed by how he reacted to such a traumatic event. They usually ask family to leave when a baby stops breathing - but they let Lee stay. I am so thankful for the doctors and nurses that worked on little Elle today. I am so thankful for Lee for staying with our baby. I am so thankful that my parents were there to comfort me - for my dad's shoulder that I cried on all afternoon and for my mom that rubbed my shoulders. I am so thankful that the Holy Spirit is watching over our daughter HE allowed Elle to live and brought peace over Lee and myself. I pray that he gives us all strength and peace tomorrow. Even though Elle had a horrible afternoon, the cardiologist are telling us that she is still scheduled for surgery tomorrow. Lee and I have to be at the hospital before 7:00am to discuss the procedure with the cardiologist that will be doing the surgery. The nurse tonight had one more test to run to ensure Elle is ok for surgery. I am about to call to make sure everything is still on for tomorrow. They still haven't given us a definite time on the surgery - it could happen anytime from 9:00am to 4:00pm. Please pray for our little Elle tomorrow during surgery.